DAILY CUSTODY TIP: Don’t allow tattoos, piercings or blue hair on your children without the other parent’s consent.

Has this happened in your family? Your child leaves your home on a Friday for an ordinary visit with your ex-spouse and comes back on Sunday looking like a monster. Without your knowledge or consent, your child suddenly has an enormous tattoo on her chest, or your seven-year-old son has a nose ring. Or worse yet, your child has a haircut from hell, featuring streaks of blue and lavender. Holy $&#%!!

The best policy is not to make any significant changes to your child’s appearance without discussing it first with the other parent. Because tattoos and peircings are not universally accepted by the population, they should be discussed between the parents and with the child before any action is taken. We frequently see custody disputes in which one parent complains that her ex-husband secretly took their son to get an earring or a tattoo, without discussing it first. In these cases, one parent frequently argues that such adornments are unsafe, unhealthy, anti-social, or perhaps suggestive of a dirty, wild, rock-and-roll spirit. The other parent responds by saying that tattoos and piercings are commonplace these days, they’re widely accepted and perfectly safe, and the other parent is just conservative or out of touch with modern times.

The fact that parents have these fights is why it’s important to talk it over first. An unannounced tattoo or piercing not only raises questions about what’s right for the child but it reflects that lack of communication between the parents. Ultimately, somebody will have to answer for why he or she did not consult the other parent first.

The same goes for wild haircuts, or cutting off a young girls’ long, flowing locks of hair after years of careful grooming and management. Material alterations to a child’s appearance should be discussed first.

Discussing these matters before taking action will improve your chances of demonstrating your co-parenting abilities in a custody case. They will also give each parent a fair opportunity to air his or her thoughts about these matters.

Tell me your experiences with this.