Can you believe that Mr. Creepo wants full custody now? You won’t believe what that &$!#!!told the judge about me? Guess what that loser-ex-wife of mine is offering me in visitation time?
When the heat of a child custody battle rises to the surface, parents tend to talk openly about each other. In fact, it’s not uncommon to gripe about the proceedings to one’s friends and family members, and to verbally defame the other parent in the privacy of one’s home.
Yet, having these "private" conversations where children can hear them is bad news all around. For one thing, if a child believes what she hears and adopts the parent’s defamatory tone, the other parent will catch on quickly that he (she) is being maligned in front of the child. It may prompt the aggrieved parent to file a motion or, worse yet, to argue that the slanderous parent is engaging in parental alienation tactics. The child may repeat what she hears to a psychologist, to a custody evaluator or to a judge, leaving these persons with great concerns about the nasty parent’s household demeanor.
Sometimes, too, defaming a parent in the presence of a child can backfire, prompting the child to take the victim-parent’s side. It teaches children that it’s okay to speak poorly of their parents, and can have multiple damaging ripple effects.
If you feel you must lash out against your opponent in a child custody case, schedule a private get-together with adult family members or friends – outside the earshot of children. Letting off steam in the presence of the kids is likely only to complicate your case, not to improve your position.
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What is this is the other way around. I have a 4 year old son, whom I have full custody of via my Divorce/relocation case. My ex has visitation with him every other weekend. It seems when I drop my son off he comes home saying rude remarks about me and about my family. I feel his father is emotionally abusing him. I went to court asking for a risk management test along with pshic evaluation, but was denied because I did not have grounds. I know my son is being abused by him emotionally and it seems no matter what there is nothing I can do. Any advice? Thanks
ReplyDeleteThis is a common situation, unfortunately. Does the child talk to any kind of counselor? He's kind of young for a therapist, but you might gain more ground with the judge if the judge hears it from a professional. Consider, for example, filing a motion for a risk assessment/psych eval., but this time attaching a report from Dr. X, who says that he met with the child on several occasions, and in his opinion, the child is suffering mixed emotional disorders caused by a pattern of badmouthing by his father. Such a report might bolster your chances of success. (Of course, you could try to communicate directly with your ex, if that's possible.... Asking him to take a "co-parenting class" to avoid the badmouthing might work, especially if he thinks you'll file a motion unless he voluntarily goes to the class or changes his slanderous habits. Of course, at the very least, you can try explaining to your son how much you love him, and what's the proper way to talk, etc. (this won't produce immediate results, but as he gets a bit older, he'll start to realize where the emotional abuse is coming from)... Good luck. -- Mark
ReplyDeleteOk, thanks for your advice! I will have to look into a counselor who deals with young children to see if they could help my situation. I currently have a FRO against my ex-husband, which was granted about a year ago. So any type of co-parenting classes would be totally out of the question. We currently have to do custody exchanges for visitation via a local Police Department because I fear for my safety along with my son. I tried stopping his visitation due to his violent nature towards me but was also denied because I did not have valid proof that he did anything physically or emotionally to our son. What my question is: If once I have valid proof that my ex is abusing our son emotionally or physically, either by way of a professional, voice recording, pictures, etc, then can I stop visitation on my own? Of course I would petition the court but that could be a lengthy process. I was thinking of doing this but I fear I will break my court order for his visitation. But at the same time I am his mother and I will do anything to protect me son. If anything was to happen and I already had my own assumptions he was being abused couldn't I get in trouble also for endangering my child? Thanks for all your help Mark!
ReplyDeleteI would say that if you have real evidence of any kind of abuse, you should not let your child visit him...and you should proceed immediately by filing an Order to Show Cause with the court. What state/city are you in. I'd be happy to help you. Feel free to send me a private email to msglegal@comcast.net Best of luck. -- Mark
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